Gratitude

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion to clarity.....
Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.
- Melody Beattie

WOW! Finally an update!

It has been quite a while since my last post. Sorry to keep everyone hanging! I have made it through chemo and I am finally starting to feel "normal" again. I had some difficult times with the last rounds of chemo...it really kicked my butt. But that is in the past now!

My hair is growing in slowly...but it's growing! I think I miss losing my eyelashes and eyebrows more than anything.

I just received my prescription for Tamoxifen...5 years...that's a long time. I am hoping to handle it well and get back to living life. I miss ZUMBA! I need to get healthy now more than ever. We just moved to Orlando and we belong to the YMCA. I will need to make a major lifestyle change and learn how to incorporate that into my life. My health depends on it!

I have committed to working more with my group, Young Survivors Coalition Orlando. I would like to be able to provide the same support to other young women that I received during the last few months. www.youngsurvival.org/orlando

Jason, Alannah, Liane, Alexander and I are participating in the 2009 Komen Race for the Cure on Sunday Oct. 25th. Please support us by donating as much as you can. If you would like to join our team and walk with us...PLEASE DO!! Please click link below to see my page:

http://www.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/DAB_CentralFloridaAffiliate?px=5417336&pg=personal&fr_id=1250&et=3NQGNhZ_Lm_DPhRz43Myfw..&s_tafId=21678

We appreciate your help!

Some pictures...

If you want to see what the chemo suite looks like....the chairs are really comfy. You get to watch t.v. if you want.




They gave this wig to me last week....I feel like the cowardly lion...I have NEVER had that much hair!!!



This is the wig we picked out....





Alexander has worn the wigs more than I have!!!

He looks pretty good!!! He is too silly!!!

Three down...

Wow! I just realized that it's been over a month since I have updated this! I guess I should have a lot to say. I have been through 3 chemo sessions. Thankfully I have not experienced any terrible side effects. The last of the adriamyacin and cytoxin is tomorrow! I am halfway there!!

I have continued to work and go to Zumba (most of the time). I have to give my YSC girlfriends that have been there for me and routing me on all this time, a giant "THANKS!"

I have had my mom with me, Patti and my brother for the chemo days. They have all done a great job with bringing snacks!

I have had some interesting times since losing my hair.

This was the day that Jason clipped my hair pretty short. It had started coming out on the day of my second treatment. That Saturday we decided it was best to clip is short....to be in control of it. I went that week without anything like a scarf or wig. I felt pretty good without covering up my head. It was a rough week because the hair kept coming out and it felt like little spiders crawling all over me...especially at night! So...the following Saturday it was time to shave it! Jason and Alexander both started to shave with the razor and then I took over. It was a rough time with us crying...even though we thought we were prepared for this. It was a difficult time for me....I didn't like how I looked at all. I felt like a conehead....from Saturday Night live! I couldn't believe that my head was SO WHITE!!

Alexander keeps kissing my head and telling me how much he loves my head! He has really handled this well. I am very proud of him.

I have not worn the wigs that I bought yet....it seems way too hot for that! I usually wear a bandanna or scarf. The cotton bandanna seem to be the coolest thing to wear since the scarves tend to be heavy or too hot. Believe it or not, this week at work I have gone without ANYTHING!! I walk proudly around and look people straight in their faces and smile. I think it's important that people know that I am not ashamed and that it's o.k. to be comfortable being bald. It took me about two weeks to feel that comfortable but now I rock the bald proudly!

I appreciate all of my supporters that keep telling me that I look good! Especially my husband and son who have shown so much love during this time....

Chemo Day

Well, I must admit that.... so far, it's not as bad as I was fearing. The actual receiving of the chemo was not bad. Since I had the mediport inserted during surgery, there wasn't the painful IV needle stick. The chairs are super comfy and there are t.v.'s. I had people give ideas of what to bring and I think that between my mom and I, we were packed for a few days! I was gifted a great carry bag that says "Fighting Cancer and Still Fabulous!" I packed it with my pink pillow and blanket that my brother and Patti gave me. I had my DS, MP3 player, CD player and even my tape player with my relaxation tape. Of course then there were snacks and drinks. One big thing is keeping hydrated....that is to flush the toxins (ie. bad cancer cells!) from my body. Snacks also help with the nausea. I was given a great tip....to bring peppermint oil to dab under my nose to not smell the antiseptic smell from the chemo area. Great idea!

So....basically after day one I am feeling pretty good. I watched the Magic game last night and went to bed. I am up early today looking forward to going to work. One of the biggest side effects of chemo is fatigue. I believe that a body in motion stays in motion...so I will try to continue to do what I normally do. Obviously if I need to rest, I will. I don't want to give in too much to the fatigue since it will only get worse if I do. I will make sure to get a good eight hours though since that is when my body will work the hardest at making new good healthy cells!

Anyway, if anyone has any tips/suggestions etc. that can help me during this time...I would appreciate hearing them all. I will be losing my hair within the next two weeks and any help with ideas on hats, scarves, etc. would be helpful as well. I will be ordering a wig this weekend...I will post pictures when I can!

I am off to work...I look forward to hearing from everyone!

Cafe Press

http://shop.cafepress.com/design/16365703 ( This is a cool site for funny cancer shirts! I thought this shirt was hysterical! )

I have an awesome customer service story to share. I recieved a great shirt from some very nice people (you know who you are!). It's good to know that they thought that I might be able to fit into a Jr. XL t-shirt! I called Cafe Press to see if I could exchange it for a bigger size. If you can believe it they are sending out a replacement and said this: "There is no need to send in the shirt you recieved, you recieved it as a gift and don't have to incur any extra costs. You are free to do as you please with the shirt, toss it, give it to someone or donate it." I WAS FLOORED!!!
I am now going to encourage everyone to check out this website and do business with them!!!
These days we all hear about negative customer service experiences and this company obviously knows how to do business. I salute them!!
www.cafepress.com

Chemo

Chemo starts on Thursday at 1 pm. I have been going to a therapist to learn how to relax and calm my mind. I have been very anxious about starting chemo. Since everyone reacts to chemo differently I have been scared to get started, I guess the fear of the unknown is what is getting to me.
I am doing a lot of reading that will help me figure out how to live after chemo. I have a long life to live and I want to be as healthy as possible. If there is anything that you come across that might be helpful or just make me laugh, please send an email. My mom reads the paper everyday and always pulls articles out that she thinks will help me. Stepheney did some research for me on the chemo drugs and the side effects. That helps me to prepare myself for what I am going to expect. Of course if it's not as bad as I read....then that's a great thing!
I am doing a lot of reading on healthy living and relaxation CD's are now on my MP3 player.
I could use some info on scarves and how to wear them. It's not summer yet and it's HOT here already!!!

Website...

http://www.circusofcancer.org/index.html

This website was created by Kelly Corrigan who wrote "The Middle Place" which was about how her and her father battled and survived cancer. Great book and website...please check it out. She talks about how friends helped her through her difficult time.

Another really cool website!

http://www.cafepress.com/cancerkarma

Here is another great website to check out!

Jason found this website!!!

This is a wild website! If anyone was at a loss and wanted to send me something...please order from here!!!

Zumba!

I went back to Zumba for the first time in 4 weeks on Saturday! I was happy to go....I had missed it so! I made it through the whole class without giving up. I still had some congestion in my chest which caused me to cough a bit but I persevered! I wore a new turquoise bandana and it caused my forehead to turn BLUE!!! Of course the blue sweat pouring off of it ran down my back and neck and got ALL OVER my shirt as well....it was pretty funny! TIP: Wash all new bandanas FIRST!!

After scrubbing my neck and taking a well deserved shower....I was exhausted!!! I am now looking forward to heading back to Zumba tonight!! I need to stay in shape! Wish me luck!

Yes...I am still here!

So...my husband gives me a hard time for not updating my blog. There really hasn't been much to talk about. I am waiting for the surgeon to give me the o.k. to start chemo. It will be soon...I am not really rushing that at all! I spoke to another oncologist at the Osceola Cancer Center with regards to the chemo and how to get through it. There was plenty of info given to me and when I go through it all....I will share it.

I think it's time for me to order the wig....to be prepared.

I am working hard at work to get caught up with the work that I missed.

What else? I don't know...it's kinda late and it's time for bed. More soon! :0

Tues April 28th

Well my first day back to work started off HORRIBLY! I received 2 tickets on the way to work! I should have turned around and gone home! I can't remember the last time I got a ticket!

Anyway... work was o.k. Our computers system has been acting up so it was a bit frustrating to have it go up and down. It was good to get back and try to get caught up.

The best part of Monday was the oncology visit. The PET scan showed clear! That means that it does not show any cancer throughout my body. That is awesome news! I have been pretty anxious over the last week waiting to hear. We are now waiting for the surgeon to give us the go ahead that I am fully healed and can start chemo.

I saw the surgeon today and he had to aspirate some more fluid from the surgical sites. He also started me on some antibiotics just as a precaution. Normally it should take 4 - 6 weeks for total recovery. I must admit that I am not in a rush to start chemo.

Now...you all may be wondering...if the cancer was in my breast...and now it's gone...why chemo?

Good question! I will try to answer the best I can....which means- what I can remember!

The normal course of treatment when cancer is found in the lymph nodes is chemo and Tamoxifen for 5 years.

Basically....I could stop right now and not proceed with any further treatment. BUT....the rate of reoccurance is fairly high.

The doctor explained that by completing chemo alone the reoccurance rate is reduced significantly. By doing the chemo and the tamoxifen it is reduced further still.

Although there is nothing that will totally eliminate the chance of reoccurance...I believe that I need to do whatever there is to increase my chances for healthy living and survival!

Back to work

So tomorrow I am back to work. I am looking forward to it because it will be some semblance of "back to normal". Whatever that means now!

The oncologist appointment tomorrow has been a source of a bit of anxiety over the last week. Either way it's better the devil you know.

I have been missing my son as he has been with his grandma this last week. He has been sick and it's better if I don't get sick and since I always get sick when he does....we miss him. I know that he is having a good time. They went to Disney today and he couldn't talk fast enough about how much fun he had. We are lucky that Alexander has his grandparents to take care of him during this time. We are all very lucky!

What a relaxing day!

So...I was told that I hadn't posted an update and so here it is. I have been doing well. I have found a group called the Young Survival Coalition. I have been contacted by a few of the members that have already been through breast cancer and everything I am going through. It is quite amazing that there are so many people out there that have been affected by this. I feel very lucky that all of these women are willing to share their time with me and give advice, answer questions and offer support. I feel blessed to have these people who have come into my life. I will get to meet them next month at the monthly meeting and I am looking forward to it.

This week my mom and I went to a wig place in Orlando. I wanted to get a feel for what was out there for me and how I will look if/when I loose my hair. I found a wig that looks pretty good!

Hopefully, my insurance will cover a "cranial prosthetic"!!!

Afterward we went to the American Cancer Society. They have a "Gift Room" where they have donated items that they give to cancer patients. They have wigs, mastectomy bras and the prosthetics to go inside. I was able to get a bra with the inserts so that I can wear it when I am completely healed.

I went to see the surgeon on Wednesday. He said that things were looking good. He had to aspirate some fluid build up from my right breast. The amazing thing was when he brought out the BIG needle, I asked if he was going to numb me at all. He told me that I wouldn't feel it....of course I didn't believe him...but he was RIGHT!!! I didn't feel him as he plunged and sucked out about 5 vials of fluid. Being the jokester that I am...I asked if what he was doing was like liposuction...his answer..."Yes, but he gets paid much more for liposuction!" He's lucky I like him!

So...this week has been an anxious week as I await the results of the PET scan on Monday....

I had the opportunity to go to the spa today and use a gift certificate for a pedicure that I received a year ago for Mother's Day!! Patti and I went to the Marriott and spent the afternoon feeling pampered and relaxed. I have pink toes...spa toes! We sat by the pool, enjoyed the sun and really just relaxed. Now I am ready to go to work on Monday!

Awareness....

https://www.youngsurvival.org/donate/

What a great night!

Just a quick note. I LOVE MY SURGEON!! Dr. Keller gave me more pain pills and something to help me sleep. Last night was the first night in a week that I was able to SLEEP the whole night....I didn't get up at all during the night and I slept until 9:30 am!!! Woo HOO!!!
I now am going to take the long awaited SHOWER!! What a great day!

End of a LONG week!

So...Wednesday I went to see the surgeon...he didn't take out the pesky drains that make me feel like an alien. They have prevented me from sleeping...they are not my friends! I went to see the oncologist later in the day and met a new doctor since mine was out sick. I liked him as well and may stick with him. I had blood drawn for the BRCA test.

BRCA-1 and BRCA-2 are two genes that are linked with hereditary breast and ovarian cancers. About 200,000 women are diagnosed with invasive breast cancer each year and about 23,000 with ovarian cancer (according to the American Cancer Society). Of these cancers, about 5% to 10% will be due to a mutation in one of the BRCA genes. Men can also inherit an increased risk of developing breast cancer, primarily from an alteration in the BRCA-2 gene.
Individuals with mutations in BRCA1 or BRCA2 have significantly elevated risks for breast cancer (up to 80% lifetime risk), ovarian cancer (up to 40% lifetime risk), bilateral breast cancer and other types of cancers. BRCA mutations are inherited and passed from generation to generation. One half of the time, they are passed from the father’s side of the family.
The DNA in white blood cells is used to detect mutations in the BRCA genes. While the gene products (proteins) of the BRCA genes act only in breast and ovarian tissue, the genes are present in every cell of the body and blood is the most easily accessible source of that DNA.

This test will be used to plan for the next steps in my treatment. This will also be a test that if positive, will be important for Alexander's future.

Today, I had a PET scan. Here is the description:

What is Positron Emission Tomography – Computed Tomography (PET/CT) Scanning?

Sample image obtained using a combination of PET and CT imaging technology.
Positron emission tomography, also called PET imaging or a PET scan, is a type of nuclear medicine imaging.
Nuclear medicine is a branch of medical imaging that uses small amounts of radioactive material to diagnose or treat a variety of diseases, including many types of cancers, heart disease and certain other abnormalities within the body.
Nuclear medicine or radionuclide imaging procedures are noninvasive and usually painless medical tests that help physicians diagnose medical conditions. These imaging scans use radioactive materials called radiopharmaceuticals or radiotracers.
Depending on the type of nuclear medicine exam you are undergoing, the radiotracer is either injected into a vein, swallowed or inhaled as a gas and eventually accumulates in the organ or area of your body being examined, where it gives off energy in the form of gamma rays. This energy is detected by a device called a gamma camera, a (positron emission tomography) PET scanner and/or probe. These devices work together with a computer to measure the amount of radiotracer absorbed by your body and to produce special pictures offering details on both the structure and function of organs and tissues.
In some centers, nuclear medicine images can be superimposed with computed tomography (CT) or magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) to produce special views, a practice known as image fusion or co-registration. These views allow the information from two different studies to be correlated and interpreted on one image, leading to more precise information and accurate diagnoses. In addition, manufacturers are now making PET/CT units that are able to perform both imaging studies at the same time.
A PET scan measures important body functions, such as blood flow, oxygen use, and sugar (glucose) metabolism, to help doctors evaluate how well organs and tissues are functioning.
CT imaging uses special x-ray equipment, and in some cases a contrast material, to produce multiple images or pictures of the inside of the body. These images can then be interpreted by a radiologist on a computer monitor as printed images. CT imaging provides excellent anatomic information.
Today, most PET scans are performed on instruments that are combined PET and CT scanners. The combined PET/CT scans provide images that pinpoint the location of abnormal metabolic activity within the body. The combined scans have been shown to provide more accurate diagnoses than the two scans performed separately.

What are some common uses of the procedure?
PET and PET/CT scans are performed to:
-detect cancer
-determine whether a cancer has spread in the body
-assess the effectiveness of a treatment plan, such as cancer therapy
-determine if a cancer has returned after treatment
-determine blood flow to the heart muscle
-determine the effects of a heart attack, or myocardial infarction, on areas of the heart
-identify areas of the heart muscle that would benefit from a procedure such as angioplasty or coronary artery bypass surgery (in combination with a myocardial perfusion scan).
-evaluate brain abnormalities, such as tumors, memory disorders and seizures and other central nervous system disorders
-to map normal human brain and heart function


These 2 tests will be used to map a plan for my further treatment. There were 8 lymph nodes removed from the cancerous left breast. Of the 8, 3 of them showed cancerous activity. Thankfully there was no cancer found in the right breast. Sooooo right now we wait for the blood test results which will take about 2 weeks since they are sent to a special lab. The PET scan results should be back within a few days. After seeing the surgeon today, he removed my drains!!! Yeah!! It was one of the freakiest feelings I have ever felt. I was able to feel the tubing coming through my body as he pulled it out of me. I can't believe it was so far imbedded in my body.....
The great news is that after a week I am able to finally take a full shower! I have never been so happy to take a shower before. I received a giant basket full of bath stuff that I can break into!

I am hoping to be released from the surgeon to go back to work when I see him next Wednesday. My fingers are crossed.

I have to apologize to all of my dear friends and family that I have not been able to personally talk to. This past week has been very tiring and I am making lists of people that I want to talk to. I appreciate all of the calls, emails, Facebook posts.

Tues Update

I have to say thank you to all that are praying for me! I know that the prayers are working.

I must give giant KUDOS to my husband. He has been so strong during these last weeks and definately the best nurse there is! He slept (somewhat) in the chair next to me after the surgery and took care of my personal hygiene as well! Jason has taken care of my every need while I have been at home. He is emptying my drains, making sure I am comfortable, changing my dressings (better than the nurse!) and keeping me positive! I am a lucky girl!

Alexander has been staying at my mom's house so that he can continue with his normal schedule. He has been by everyday to see me. He keeps looking down my shirt to see the bandages! He said that he misses my boobies! At 5 yrs old...we are in big trouble!!!

Again, my family and friends have been amazing supporters during this challenging time. I am so happy to have such special people in my life. I know I couldn't do this without you!

Tomorrow I will go to the surgeon for a follow up. I am guessing that it's too early for the drains to come out but I am praying for it either way! I can't sleep with them since I am NOT a back sleeper. The nurse today removed the bandages and it was my first look at the incisions. I keep focusing on the fact that it was necessary for me to be healthy. This has been one of the hardest parts. It was easier to think positively BEFORE I actually saw how it looks afterward. This procedure isn't a physically painful one...it's the emotions after that are difficult.

In the afternoon I have an appointment with the oncologist as well and if I don't find out from the surgeon in the morning, I should find out what my next course of action is. I am praying that all of the cancer was removed and that it hasn't spread anywhere else.

Mr. Toe

Mr. Toe was created because I had to wear those very sexy white hose that had a whole in the bottom. My big toe decided to peek out and Patti kept seeing a smiley face. I said it was o.k. Alexander thought it was funny! It's all about the laughter!!

Home at last...

I am home now. I was able to leave the hospital late this afternoon. Yesterday went by in a haze. There were many hours where I was in surgery, recovery and in a daze! The surgeon said that all went well. I won't know anything regarding the pathology until next week. So...please don't stop the prayers! There are a lot of challenging times still to have. I will be having a support group come to talk to me about lots of things some time next week as well. There will be many decisions to make over the coming weeks. As I am reading this back I am thinking that I probably shouldn't try and type on pain meds! Will try again later and hopefully be more coherent!

On my way....

Last night I finally figured out what I would like from all the great people that are asking if there is anything that I need....
I would love for everyone to keep praying!! Pray for me, my family and the doctors and nurses working on me today and throughout this journey.
Please go to ANY cancer website and support, donate, educate and share! I don't have time to list any at this moment but I will...
And if you still feel the need to do something....send me inspirational things!! Music, sayings, pictures...any thing that you think will be positive toward my good health!

Thanks again for caring! Off to the hospital! XOXOXOXOXOXO

The Final Countdown.....

In 10 hours will be heading into surgery. But it seems like this week has gone soooo slow. We told Alexander last night and he seemed to take it o.k. He told me that then I won't have to wear a bra...just a shirt. Interesting that he realized that. He was upset and cried...he doesn't want them to take my boobies....I did explain that it was necessary to keep mommy healthy. I explained that I will have boobies again soon...and of course....he wanted to know what day!!! I told him that it may take a while because I might need to have some medicine first. At this point I changed directions and told him how much fun he will have on Saturday going to 2 Easter egg hunts! Candy...the great distractor!! This evening he asked me, "They are going to take your boobies next Friday, right mommy?" I explained that it was tomorrow and of course he said...yeah, next Friday! Step-by-step....that's how we will take it!
Thanks again for everyone's prayers and support! Keep up the prayers!!! Pray for the doctors, nurses etc as well!

Alexander

We have the hardest task ahead...telling Alexander what is happening. We have picked up some books from the therapist at the cancer center that should give us an idea the correct way to do this. If anyone has any suggestions, please send them our way.

Longest week

I am not sure if this is the worst week yet....waiting for the biopsy results was rough, but waiting for surgery is hard too. I just want it to be over. By this time next week I hope to be home recouperating. The uncertaintly of what they will find is keeping me awake at night. If anyone has any suggestions on how to prepare my body for after, radiation and/or chemo, I would love to hear it.

Update

My surgery is set for Friday April 10th at 11:30 am. I should only be in the hospital overnight and then at home.

I am awed by the outpouring of caring from long time friends, family and recent friends as well. Thank you all for your prayers and support, it means so much!

Journey to Cancer

Journey to Cancer

In December I noticed a lump in my left breast. I scheduled an appointment with a new gynecologist and went to see Judy in January. After a thorough breast exam, (the most thorough I have ever had!) she said that she didn’t really feel any cause for concern but sent me for a sonogram and another mammogram. The results came back and an MRI was requested. The results from the MRI suggested a biopsy. On March 19th, I had the biopsy done. At my follow up exam, the results were not good. Dr. Keller told me that I have 3 types of breast cancer.

DCIS – Ductal Carcinoma In Situ
IDC – Invasive Ductal Carcinoma
ILC – Invasive Lobular Carcinoma
Yesterday, I had my first appointment with the oncologist, Dr. Miller. He confirmed what the surgeon had told me. I will be having both of my breasts removed. The reason for this is because the type of cancer is highly likely to spread to the other breast. The first one below will be for the right breast…and the second one below will be for the left breast.

"Simple" or "total" mastectomy
Simple Mastectomy
Larger Version
Simple or total mastectomy concentrates on the breast tissue itself:
The surgeon removes the entire breast.
The surgeon does not perform axillary lymph node dissection (removal of lymph nodes in the underarm area). Sometimes, however, lymph nodes are occasionally removed because they happen to be located within the breast tissue taken during surgery.
No muscles are removed from beneath the breast.
Who usually gets simple or total mastectomy?
A simple or total mastectomy is appropriate for women with multiple or large areas of ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS) and for women seeking prophylactic mastectomies — that is, breast removal in order to prevent any possibility of breast cancer occurring.
Modified radical mastectomy
Modified radical mastectomy
Larger Version
Modified radical mastectomy involves the removal of both breast tissue and lymph nodes:
The surgeon removes the entire breast.
Axillary lymph node dissection is performed, during which levels I and II of underarm lymph nodes are removed (B and C in illustration).
No muscles are removed from beneath the breast.
Who usually gets a modified radical mastectomy?
Most people with invasive breast cancer who decide to have mastectomies will receive modified radical mastectomies so that the lymph nodes can be examined. Examining the lymph nodes helps to identify whether cancer cells may have spread beyond the breast. (from www.breastcancer.org)

I will be going to the surgeon tomorrow morning. The surgery will most likely be sometime next week.

I will not be able to have reconstruction done right away since we need to find out if the cancer is anywhere else and if I will need radiation and/or chemo.

This is my first foray into blogging. I thought it would be good to track the events of this journey. I hope that if you are reading this that you will keep me and my family in your prayers.

Optimism is a crucial choice we make in establishing expectations for ourselves and others as we begin to move forward through adversity. -- Christopher Novak.

Martin Luther King, jr.:
If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream.

Sometimes in the winds of change we find our true direction...